Wednesday, April 11, 2012

Leah's Coffee Confessions

My sisters, in addition to being beautiful, are the smartest and funniest women I know.  Lucky for me, they send me guest posts from time to time.  Here are some thoughts from Leah.  She is a junior speech pathology major at St. Mary's College. 

I thought I was the Queen of Starbucks.

In particular I thought I was the prime ruler of the one on 933. Everyone knows exactly what I want when I come in. They even know my caffeine cutoff time. I do not take money to Starbucks, I scan my cell phone. I have a phone app that tells me exactly where in the United States every single Starbucks is. As if I need an app, ha! My sixth sense, or Starbucks sense if you will, sends electrical impulses to every neuron in my body if I am within a 5 mile radius of Starbucks. I even know where the grocery store Starbucks’ are. I’ve been a gold member since 2009, when the rewards system began. I’ve cherished that very first reward card ever since I first purchased it. I could do a blind taste test and name each of the different roasts. I could smell the aroma of the roasts and declare which was which. For me it is not an obsession. It is a religion. None would disagree: If Starbucks were Egypt, I would be Cleopatra. If Starbucks were the Roman Empire, I would be Julius Caesar… I will boycott McDonalds, I will boycott Wal-mart, I will boycott Tyson, but Starbucks is my little corporate monster darling..

Until tonight.

Tonight I was just routinely sitting at my favorite couch (throne) at my favorite Starbucks. Next to me on the couch I had my coat and my schoolbooks. I had my Tall Soy Vanilla Decaf Latte. Everything was as it always is; the world could not be better…until the door blew open, and with a gust of wind walked in my demise. The Starbucks was nearly empty. There were empty seats everywhere. But the only seat this woman saw was the one right next to me. Then she gathered several other chairs around my couch. I knew this was obviously a planning for a loud social gathering. I knew my studying would be difficult, but I held my ground. Nobody has ever forced me into a Starbucks corner. As the rest of the social gathering arrived and shrieking laughs scarred the lining of my cochlea, I could feel my strength and resolve weakening. What could I do? They had strength in numbers and a granny. I had only me and for once my youth was not doing me any favors. I knew I had been defeated. I grudgingly gave up my throne and walked away as I heard their shrieking laughter as I walked away. They were laughing at me. Laughing at my defeat-my mutiny. I walked away with a broken heart and a shredded soul. All they suffered was a slight look of annoyance from me as I packed my things and a barely audible sigh as I stood.

My dear Starbucks, you are as strong-hearted as your Moby Dick namesake, and I, your Captain Ahab, have failed you.

I am truly sorry.


  1. Truly a story deserving of the Cleopatra of Starbucks.

  2. The drive-thru people at the Starbucks next to Spartanburg Regional know what I'm going to order as soon as I pull up...Tall Hot Chocolate, Extra Whip. If the line takes too long, they give me free cards, if there's no one else behind me, the guys will give me extra drinks or bags of roast. Every morning after I get off my 12 hour shift, I pull up to that place...every morning except Friday mornings. Not even my love and need for that hot chocolate can drive me to wait in line over 10 minutes as every idiot in Spartanburg celebrates that it is Friday. :) feeling your pain, Cleopatra.


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